Tank Top and Other Stuff

Out sick today, but I can report that I’m over halfway through my Mud Flap Girl tank top. I’ve done my waist decreases and now I’m beginning the increase rows.

Knitting has been my sanity for the past few weeks because I’ve been stressing out so badly.

I’m divorced and my ex and I are “going at it”, so to speak. We used to get along pretty well after our divorce, but then he married a petty, bitter, and insecure woman, to whom I’ll refer to as The Fat Cow. Basically, she instigates a lot of bullshit and she runs the show in that house. Because my ex basically has no spine, he gives in to her whether or not what she wants is in the best interest of our kid. I had to file for court ordered mediation, I had to pay all the fees to get the bastard’s ass into mediation because, hopefully, that will be the only way we can resolve our differences without the Fat Cow’s interference. Maybe I’m naive, but I believe that there is still a part of him that can be as civil as we used to be and can put aside his differences with me so we can resolve this.

The other issue we have goes back to my marriage with the Ex-Asshole. When he would complain that I wasn’t doing anything or that I had a habit or a behavior he didn’t like, he would undermine my efforts to change said behavior or bad habit. One good example of this is that I used to smoke. He would complain about my smoking (and rightfully so because it is a nasty habit). When I finally felt I was ready to quit, he sabotoged my efforts.

The issue now is that he doesn’t like that I’ve made changes to my life (including quitting smoking) and I’ve moved up in my job, mine and my husband’s finances are in pretty decent shape (we can actually manage our money) and now he’s trying to sabotoge that, too. It used to be that he could use the fact that I was not exactly the picture of responsibility and the fact that I worked nights (when the rest of the world works 9 to 5) to say that I did not care about my son and that I didn’t try to be a good mother. (My son spends most of his time at his dad’s house. That was a difficult decision that I made at the time we split up years ago because I could not properly care for my son and I had no one to watch him when I went to work on the night shift. Now, I am regretting that decision, even though I know in my heart it was the right thing to do.) Well, now that I am off the night shift and I can call and have more time and I am not as irresponsible as I was, he is making it more difficult for me to see my son, to spend time with my son, and to have a relationship with my son, and I know that this is all at the instigation of The Fat Cow. My son has no respect for her at all. I know he’s been thinking about seeing if he can come and live with me because he can’t stand her. He’s said things to me like “I wish she would go away so you and my dad would stop fighting” and “I wish my dad would stand up to her and tell her to shut up for once.” This woman goes around telling people things about me that are not true (and can be proven untrue).

I have a feeling that the ex is going to drag his feet on the mediation and force it into court. He’s going to regret it. I am going to end up borrowing a few grand from my 401K to pay for an attorney, but if that’s what it takes, that’s what it takes. Because the one with the attorney is the one who always gets their way, even if it’s not in the best interest of the child. The courts are full of shit half the time anyway. I sat next to a woman in mediation orientation who was going through hell because her abusive ex got placement of her kids because he had a lawyer and she didn’t. She talked to 35 different attorneys and none of them would take her case because she couldn’t come up with the retainer. Did not matter that she feared for the safety of her children. Money is what buys you justice.

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