Lately, and I think it has to do with school, I find myself not knitting as much and getting back into one of my old childhood obsessions–Trixie Belden.
Years ago, I used to belong to the fan community and I even wrote fan fiction (just not under this nom de plume). But all good things must come to an end, they say. A site that I used to frequent didn’t give me the same old “homey” vibe I used to get and I was thinking of leaving anyway. But then some other members did something shitty to another member that I was not going to stand for, so I resigned sooner than I had planned on it.
That’s the vague, Cliff notes version of it. And this happened four years ago.
During the interim, I basically had nothing to do with Trixie Belden. I didn’t read my books. I was not on the Internet for close to a year. I was having personal problems offline, too. I had taken up knitting. You don’t dare get catty and bitchy with a knitter. We wield pointy things. The only “Trixie” thing I did was occasionally revisit some of the old fan fiction I had written. But that was all.
A few weeks back, and out of curiosity, I found that old site I used to hang out with. There were a lot of people I’d never heard of before, but I noticed that a good many of the people who, in my opinion, “ruined” that place were no longer there as well.
I poked around the site for a bit, and I came to the conclusion that if given the opportunity, I wouldn’t go back. I’m not all that sure I’d be welcomed. But even so, I doubt that I’d have the time to devote to it this time. It seemed to me, when I looked around, that if you want to be a part of this, you are required to give up a lot of your time. I’m not entirely sure I could ever trust some of the people who are still there. Apparently some of them used to frequent a secret forum where they’d bash other people in the community. Since I had crossed one of these people, I have no doubt that my name had come up on more than one occasion. It hurt and it made me angry to know that some of these people who preached togetherness and kindness and being like the characters in these books, were behaving in a very unBWG way and were allowed to get away with it because they were the so called “in crowd”.
I used to be one of those people who spent all their spare time online. Things in my house suffered for it. In the interim, I figured out that I need to get my satisfaction in life from actual physical things and the relationships with people around me.