Dear Food Network,
I don’t know how to tell you this, but I have found another cooking channel.
I think I first had an inkling our relationship was in trouble when you gave me the American version of Iron Chef and it lacked the charm of the Japanese version. I knew our relationship was hitting the skids when you started requiring your personalities to have not one show, but two, and the second show really showed how thin you were stretching the premise! And I became uneasy when one by one when you started replacing your real chefs with personalities and reality show contestants who have little to no authority in the kitchen. But the last straw was when you got rid of Emeril, who was both a personality and has authority in a kitchen.
My new TV cooking love, you see, may not be flashy and may not be hawking overpriced cookware, but they are solid and dependable and honest and I know that I can always count on them to teach me to cook real dishes, give honest recommendations on ingredients and cookware, and not skimping on the food to spend more time and money creating tacky table settings with Dollar Store objet d’art.
Create is everything you used to be and everything I want in a cooking channel. Create actually has a culinary point of view, which is the food. Plus they seem to have the craft shows that your sister HGTV used to have, too. In case you haven’t noticed, I haven’t been hanging out much with your sister these days, too. Sometimes I hang out with your other sister, FLN, which seems to get all your sloppy seconds. I don’t think that’s a very nice way to treat your sister now, is it?
Food Network, I am returning your Ten Dollar Dinners, your Chopped, and your Chef vs. City, but I will keep Brian Boitano and Good Eats because they are the few things still worth watching on your channel and I hope we can still be friends. Maybe someday, you will realize that it’s not the best to try and be like someone else and perhaps you can get back to remembering why I fell in love with you in the first place.