Compilation Albums from the Back In The Day

Before Now That’s What I Call Music Volume 3.14159265358979323846264338327950288 existed, companies such as K-Tel and Sessions presented us with all the greatest hits of the moment we could ever dream of!  Why buy Frampton Comes Alive when you can wait for the K-Tel compilation album to hear Do You Feel Like I Do? Like the compilation CD’s of today, these gems were advertised on television.  Unlike the compilations of today, you had the option to buy it on LP, 8-track, and that new fangled thing called the cassette tape.

Here are a few of those commercials.  Some of these I actually remember.

Disco Fever!

Keep your Saturday Night Fever going all week long with Disco Fever…fever…fever…fever!  Or at least keep it going into Sunday…Sunday…SUNDAY!!!  I know that disco is a much maligned music genre, but the fact that this record album is capable of shooting lasers almost makes me want to buy it.

And for those of you who were not born yet or were too little to remember when Star Wars Episode IV:  A New Hope, or as we called it back in the day, Star Wars, came out, everybody and their Uncle Owen tried to tie it in with things that had absolutely nothing to do with Star Wars to make it look cool and get you to buy it.

K-Tel’s Music Machine

I have tried to stay away from compilation videos of commercials  in favor of the commercial on its own.  I made the exception for this K-Tel album titled “Music Machine”.   After you watch that part, you’ll see why:

Is it just me or does Peter McCann look like a Will Forte character on Saturday night live?

After the Korvette’s commercial, there is a commercial for Sessions Solid Gold, which I think dates from the 1980’s that feature oldies that the oldies station doesn’t play anymore.

Love Songs of the 70s

When picking the songs you wish to put on your compilation album, it’s a good idea to actually listen to the songs in question first to avoid any potentially embarrassing gaffes.

Case in point, The Morning After was the theme from the original 1973 movie The Poseiden Adventure, which was a disaster movie about a cruise ship where everyone died at the end.  Did the people responsible for compiling the songs for this album think this was a song about that morning after post-coital after glow?

Maybe it’s just me, but my idea of romance isn’t giving me the choice between making love or fooling around, either.  But even taking those lyrics in context, the song Do You Want To Make Love is actually a break up song.

And maybe this serves as a powerful aphrodisiac for some people, but songs about animals dying doesn’t trip my trigger at all.  Shannon is about a dead dog and Wildfire is about a horse made of tender vegetation that some unnamed person keeps running and calling to.

K-Tel’s Dumb Ditties

Before Kidz Bop, there was K-Tel’s Dumb Ditties, presented to you by Meatwad’s Dad.   This commercial is very ingrained into my consciousness.

It was so ingrained into my consciousness, I have had the chorus from My Mommy Said Not to Put Beans in My Ears looping in my head since 1977.  Not continuously, but at odd and random times, this ear worm would slither out from under the rock it lived under in the furthest reaches of my grey matter to taunt and torment me until it got bored and crawled back into it’s hiding place.  At times, I thought I may have imagined this commercial, because nobody else remembered it.  Thanks to You Tube, I can feel better knowing that yes, this source of my torment actually existed.

20 Top Hits

As with anything successful, there is always a designer knock-off.   Such is the case with this next compilation.

You’re getting the biggest hits of “today” or 1975 (or is it 1973?  Or perhaps 1974?), but these must have been the studio outtakes because the guy singing Band on the Run in the commercial sure doesn’t sound like Paul McCartney at all.  Greatest hits of today?  The Entertainer was from 1899, if I’m not mistaken.  And isn’t The Lord’s Prayer is an oldie from 30 AD?  And what’s with the disclaimer about “because of low royalties, we can’t name the artists”.  What does that mean?   And they said “original hits”, but are these from the original artists?  I’m starting to feel a little gypped now. Exclusive my aunt’s fanny!!  Caveat emptor, my friend. Caveat emptor.


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