Like your Aunt Mabel’s fruitcake, bad pop songs are the gift that keeps on giving. Here are some musical lumps of coal for your Christmas stocking. If you’re not a Scrooge already, these songs will make you become one. Bah Humbug!
If you see a little red “X” next to the audio icon, you can click on the “You Tube” button in the lower right hand corner of the video player to watch this on You Tube in a new window or browser tab. I was having trouble with this when I was writing the draft and I think it’s something to do with WordPress and the way it parses the URL.
Baby, It’s Cold Outside
Nothing exemplifies the spirit of the holiday season like a song about date rape.
You can argue all you want about the man being gentlemanly and how this was a different time, but the last time I checked, no still meant no.
Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer
I know that it’s popular to hate on this song. But we hate on it because it sucks and yet radio has to play it ALL…THE…FREAKIN’…TIME! This funky, fresh dance remix doesn’t help, either.
Dominic, the Italian Christmas Donkey
I dare you to listen to this and not get this stuck on your head. No, I double dog dare ya!!
I Want A Hippopotamus for Christmas
I hate, hate, hate this song!!! Would someone please get this kid some sinus medication or some Kleenex or something to help get rid if his or her stuffed up nose???
Wonderful Christmas Time
Another song that is popular to hate on. The lyrics sound like Paul McCartney just phoned it in when he wrote it. That’s probably where the hate comes from because we know that Sir Paul is capable of much better than this.
8 Days of Christmas
“Doesn’t it feel like Christmas?” ask Destiny’s Child after bragging about all the gifts their baby gave to them. Well, given that Christmas has become about rampant materialism rather than the birth of Jesus, then I guess it does.
Please (Daddy Don’t Get Drunk This Christmas)
Christmastime can be a difficult time of the year for many people, but we don’t need to be reminded of our dysfunctional families in a Christmas song.
80’s Christian hair metal bands + Christmas songs= my bleeding ears. Not even their attempt at humor in the beginning can save this.
Jingle Bells-by the Singing Dogs
There was a time in my life when I loved this song. That was a time in my life when I believed that the artists performing the songs I heard on the radio were actually inside the radio.
Speaking of Jingle Bells….
Barbra Streisand’s Jingle Bells
This is a Christmas Song. This is a Christmas song on amphetamines. Any questions?
Have a Cheeky Christmas
This song is so bad, even the reindeer has had enough and tries to escape at 2:54.
Christmas in Dallas
As far as musical performances by NFL teams go, the 1985 Chicago Bears set the bar very high with “The Super Bowl Shuffle” However, the 1986 Dallas Cowboys make an attempt to out do da Bears. Don’t worry, Chicago Bears, your crown is still safe.
I wish we could blame Jerry Jones for this, but he wouldn’t buy the team until 1989.
What Do You Get a Wookie for Christmas (When He Already Owns a Comb)?
This is worse than all three prequels and the Star Wars Holiday Special combined. This little gem was part of an album called Christmas in the Stars: The Star Wars Christmas Album. Follow the link to Amazon.com where you can listen to samples from the album itself. Then weep.
I had to save the best for last. This song is supposed to be a tear jerker, but the 0nly jerking I feel is my gag reflex going into overdrive. The only tears I shed are for the five minutes of my life I spent watching this video; five minutes that I will never get back.
Agree? Disagree? Have some of your own? Let me know in the comments.