Toys from My Childhood-The Bionic Woman Dome House

This is a toy from my childhood.  Here is the Bionic Woman Dome House. I had a Jamie Sommers doll.  Now I wish I had this house.

I’m not sure what I love more, the fact that this doll house looks like some groovy 1970s  pad teeming with all sorts of swinging singles in polyester having wild parties with lots of cocaine and wild sex, the rampant sexism (Instead of waiting for the details of her next mission, the Bionic Woman is getting all pretty and waiting for her “man” to show up), or the angelic choir singing “Jaaaaaaaaaaaaamie Sommers” in the background.

As Bad as This Is…

As bad as this skit is, it’s still better than the Star Wars Holiday Special.

 

Toys from My Childhood-Milky The Marvelous Milking Cow

This is a toy from my childhood, although I did not own this.  I remember this commercial quite vividly.  Please to enjoy “Milky The Marvelous Milking Cow”.

Wow.  Just wow.  I wonder what kind of gross artificial chemicals were in those milk pellets?  That pretend milk looks just absolutely nasty!

This toy was not geared towards farm kids.  All the farm kids I knew thought this was pretty stupid.

Commercials They Wouldn’t Dare Make Today

Here’s a commercial for a toy from my childhood that they would not dare to make today.

I present to you Rub a Dub Dolly.

I think it speaks for itself.

When Bad Songs Happen to Good Artists-The Led Zeppelin Edition

I love the band Led Zeppelin.  But sometimes, it is difficult for me to wrap my brain around the fact that the same band who did epic songs like Dazed and Confused, Stairway to Heaven, and Kashmir also did Fool in the Rain.

I suppose I should be grateful that they decided to make a quasi-samba record instead of completely selling out and making a disco record like so many rock artists did in the late 1970s (I’m talking to you Rolling Stones, KISS, and Rod Stewart).   But it doesn’t make this song any easier to take.    I’m all for bands being creative and experimenting.  When it works, it’s wonderful.  When it doesn’t work, then it’s a disaster.  This song is the latter.

Ms Ann O’Malley’s iPod Playlist from Hell-The Cold Shower Edition

Like herpes, bad pop songs are the gift that keeps on giving.

Some say that sex is a beautiful, sacred expression of love between two committed and consenting adults.  Others say that sex is for pure pleasure.  Today, we delve into the musical equivalent of a cold shower.  Prepared to feel icky.

“Chevy Van” by Sammy Johns

Sammy Johns, I’d like you to meet a good friend of mine.  Sammy, This is Chris Hansen from Dateline NBC.  Chris, Sammy Johns.  Why don’t you have a seat over there?

In my day, sexual predators didn’t frequent chat rooms or social networking sites.  No, they drove around in vans, going past the parks and the playgrounds and even the schools.  Patch the Pony warned us to stay away from strangers.  Our parents warned us to stay away from strange, creepy men who drove in vans.

And speaking of jail bait…

“Young Girl” by Gary Puckett & the Union Gap

Every time a Baby Boomer likes to say the music from the 1960s was so much more clean and innocent than the music of my generation or the music of today, I like to point out this song.  Enacting this song for TV just makes you yearn for a hot shower to wash off the layer of ick that accumulates on your skin.

“Afternoon Delight”-Starland Vocal Band

This song was very popular when I was six years old and I have vague childhood memories of hearing it played on the radio all the time.  Being the young and innocent kindergartener I was at the time, I thought they were singing about going camping.  Of course, I know better now.  Part of me still longs for that innocence whenever I hear the opening notes to this song.

This is probably the blandest, whitest, and totally NOT sexy ode to the quickie ever written.   It also has the worst reference to oral sex ever penned.

Started out this morning feeling so polite
I always though a fish could not be caught who wouldn’t bite
But you’ve got some bait a waitin’ and I think I might try nibbling
a little afternoon delight.

I don’t know about you, but if the guy I was with thought that comparing my lady parts to fish bait was a complement, I’d be insulted.

And I’d be booking an appointment to see my gynecologist ASAP.

“Muskrat Love”

The 1970s was a very weird time where songs about rodent sex passed off as entertainment and was considered appropriate to play for dignitaries and heads of state.  At the White House no less.

“You’re Having My Baby”

When one is not careful, nor takes the necessary precautions, the stork might bless you with a little bundle of joy.   This song is anything but joyful.

If this song doesn’t cause you to feel nauseous, then you have no soul.   If you think this is a lovely song, then you have zero taste in music.  Consider these lyrics:

Didn’t have to keep it
Wouldn’t put you through it
You could have swept it from your life
But you wouldn’t do it

Regardless of what side of the debate you are on, I think we can all agree that these are some very tasteless lyrics.  I think I just threw up in my mouth.  The Childless by Choice people just need to point to this song and they have won their argument.

Meatloaf-“Paradise by the Dashboard Light”

I am going to catch hell for putting this one on my list, but I don’t care.  My dislike of this song stems from seeing too many drunken white people attempting to dance to it.  It also stems from my fourteen year old self having to watch this sweaty fat dude in 1970s clothes singing about awkward adolescent car sex for eight and a half minutes while waiting for MTV to play a Duran Duran video.   When MTV didn’t have enough videos to fill in those 24 hours, they dug into the dusty, cobwebbed recesses of the clip closet for whatever they could find.

“Morning Desire”–Kenny Rogers

Pre-plastic surgery Kenny Rogers singing about his raging case of morning wood.   Kenny Rogers and “morning wood” is not a mental image I ever wished to have seared into my brain.

Agree?  Disagree?  Did I forget something?  Leave your thoughts in the comments.  All decades are fair game.  Who knows?  I may end up doing a “Cold Shower Edition, Volume 2” in the future.

Songs I Like Sunday-10/17/2010

I debated about having this as the obscure song of the week, but decided to post this as a song I like instead.

I present to you Special Care by the band Fanny, from around 1970-1971.

Allow me to climb up on my soapbox for a moment.  I had no idea this band existed, as when they were doing their thing, I was still in diapers.   But after finding them, I really believe that they are severely underrated and under appreciated.   Granted, they do have a lot of covers, but so did the Beatles for a while.  Despite that, these ladies can play!  Some modern-day all male bands could learn a lesson or two from watching them.

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