Ten Things We Learn About Men From Romantic Comedies and The Actual Truth

I am probably a traitor to the female of the species because I do not like romantic comedies.

Let me rephrase that.  I do not like the “romantic comedies” that Hollywood churns out because I find them insulting to my intelligence.   I realize that this is “fantasy”, but a lot of people seem to think that this is how romance should be.

This article lists ten things we learn about men from romantic comedies. My husband is a lucky, lucky man because I have never dragged him to see a “rom com” (although the same can’t be said for me because of all the sci fi and action movies I’ve had to sit through).  So here is my take on this list.  This is not man bashing.  Personally, I think this type of movie is a bit insulting to the male of the species.

He’s just not that into you. A true pearl of wisdom. If he doesn’t like to talk on the phone, hang on your every word, and spend every minute of the rest of his life with you after the first minute you meet, he just doesn’t like you AT ALL. Glad we got that one out of the way.

If you need to buy a ticket for the clue bus to see that a guy doesn’t like you, then you are truly an idiot and you deserve to be old and alone and living with lots of cats.

If he’s rich, successful, and good-looking, he probably has a heart of gold. The nicest, most earnest, most loving guys come in the most wonderful packages. You should definitely judge a book by its cover!

If he’s rich, successful, and good looking, he is probably a conceited jerk more in love with himself than he ever will be with you.  He is probably a Type A personality who will treat you just as badly as he treats others around him.

When you are starting a relationship, the first f**k up doesn’t matter. Get caught with your ex? Embarrass him at work? Emasculate him? Say awful things to him in the heat of the moment? He’ll forgive you. It’s just the growing pains of a new relationship.

Depends on how badly you f**k up on this one.  If you commit any of the deeds listed above, then yes, it does matter, and you deserve to be alone and living with lots of cats.

Drunkenness and idiotic behavior usually come before his declaration of love. If you get into a fight with the perfect man you are dating because he screwed up the best thing that ever happened to him, he will get drunk, act like a fool, and then come back to you the next day with a grand apology and a confession of love. Maybe you’ll even get a ring!

If he has to get drunk in order to declare his love for you….RUN!!

He’ll only brings flowers if he’s done something wrong. You can smell a man who has done you wrong 100 feet away. Well…at least you can smell the roses he’s carrying. Beware—if he doesn’t confess, you’ll have to get it out of him.

Well, I’ll give them this one.  I’m lucky if I ever get flowers at all.  😦

Men often fall in love with their best friends. Even though he thinks you’re not for him…you are. He will finally understand his love for when you take off your glasses and cut your hair, or if you plan on marrying someone else.

Doesn’t falling in love with his best friend mean that he’s gay?  Because if that’s so, then he’s really not that into you.

If he hates you, that really means he loves you. The more you irritate each other, the more the sexual tension will build. Bonus points if you are also clumsy, quirky, or a workaholic. He will find it totally endearing.

There is a romance novel formula of the couple who bicker, get on each others nerves, and verbally spar with each other.  This is nothing but a smokescreen for the fact that they really want to jump each other’s bones.  This is not it.  If he hates you, then he hates you.

Sex is a beautiful, tender, and romantic act. EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. He always knows just what he’s doing and will treat you like a princess in bed. Also, after sex he will not fall asleep immediately.

Women sometimes like the hot, nasty, raunchy, sweaty monkey sex, too.  We’re just not allowed to say so, or people will think we are slutty.

His best guy friend(s) is always a doofus. You can spot your man because he’s so much cooler than the immature, idiotic best friend.

Usually if his friends are doofuses (or is it doofi?), he is a big doofus, too.

If you run, hide, move, disconnect your phone, start a new life, he will come after you. No amount of time, distance, or complication can keep him away. If he loves you, he will not stop until he can find you and tell you.

If you run, hide, move, disconnect your phone, start a new life, etc. and he comes after you, he’s a stalker.  Restraining order.   Get one.  You shouldn’t need to buy a ticket to ride the clue bus for this one.