Toys from My Childhood-The Bionic Woman Dome House

This is a toy from my childhood.  Here is the Bionic Woman Dome House. I had a Jamie Sommers doll.  Now I wish I had this house.

I’m not sure what I love more, the fact that this doll house looks like some groovy 1970s  pad teeming with all sorts of swinging singles in polyester having wild parties with lots of cocaine and wild sex, the rampant sexism (Instead of waiting for the details of her next mission, the Bionic Woman is getting all pretty and waiting for her “man” to show up), or the angelic choir singing “Jaaaaaaaaaaaaamie Sommers” in the background.

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Toys from My Childhood-Milky The Marvelous Milking Cow

This is a toy from my childhood, although I did not own this.  I remember this commercial quite vividly.  Please to enjoy “Milky The Marvelous Milking Cow”.

Wow.  Just wow.  I wonder what kind of gross artificial chemicals were in those milk pellets?  That pretend milk looks just absolutely nasty!

This toy was not geared towards farm kids.  All the farm kids I knew thought this was pretty stupid.

Toys from My Childhood-Mr. Mouth

Here is another toy from my idyllic 1970s childhood.  It is the game Mr. Mouth.

This toy fell into a very special category:  Toys I Couldn’t Have Because They Required Batteries.

Yes, this poor, deprived little girl never had a Simon game or a Baby Alive or anything cool because her parents didn’t want to buy the batteries.

Toys From My Childhood-Bristle Blocks

Here is another toy from my childhood, Playskool’s Bristle Blocks.  (Skip to 1:40 in the video.  Sorry it cuts off.  It was the only commercial for this toy I could find on You Tube.)

I did not actually own these.  My sister got them for Christmas one year.  However, she let me play with them because I let her play with something I got.  Being the precocious child that I was, I made a Bristle Block replica of the family dog that Christmas morning.

Did I mention that it was an anatomically correct replica of the family dog?  And that our dog was male?  And because there were no short blocks, my anatomically correct replica of our family dog was very, very well endowed?

Needless to say, my mother freaked out over that one.

Toys from My Childhood-Baby Laughs A Lot

Here is a toy from my childhood.  Baby Laughs A Lot

What.  The. Hell.

I don’t remember this and I think it’s because the memory of this doll and commercial was so traumatic, I repressed any and all memories of it.  This doll is the bastard child of Chucky from the Child’s Play movies and the horrifying “Get Your Tickets Here!” Monkey from The Incredibly Strange Creatures Who Stopped Living and Became Mixed Up Zombies. Imagine this doll sitting up on your shelf with those demonic eyes following you and mocking you with its evil laugh.  Imagine this doll sitting up on your shelf and boring holes through your very soul with its demonic eyes as you try to sleep at night.

And you’re six years old.

Toys From My Childhood-My Puppy Puddles

Here is a toy from my childhood-My Puppy Puddles

Really, Hasbro?  This is as bad as the Barbie dog that takes a dump when you pump its tail.  (Is it just me or is that dog eating its own poo?)

Cool Story, Bro Moment…

When I was about 8 or so, my brother, who was still a toddler at the time, was bothering me.  Since it was near Christmas, I told him that if he didn’t stop, Santa Claus was going to bring him this very toy.  My brother went crying to my mother and I got in trouble for making him cry.

Toys From My Childhood-Wonder Woman Doll from Mego

This is a toy from my childhood, although I didn’t actually own this.  Here is the Wonder Woman Doll from Mego.

I guess Nubia was a more pressing matter than the Major’s crushed spine.